Tis’ the season…

Finally, the waiting is over. The countdown is done; the rush of buying gifts to and fro is all over because my dear friend; Christmas is finally here. Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas… But is it really Merry for all?

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Right about this time last year I was spending Christmas with the whole family at a hospital – it was gloomy. I tried hard to dress fancy but I did not win against the cold and hard white walls and floors of a medical institution. But nonetheless, I was happy because we were complete and that’s something worth the celebration.

Today, on the other hand, has been quite different. At home with heaps of food I’m figuring how to finish, the family’s incomplete – my sister was with her own family and had to go somewhere for a gathering, my Dad’s not home yet – which leaves me and my dear brother prepping the house. Not that he was a big help at all considering that he was playing FIFA 2k13 with ze soccer kids all day long.

Gladly I had THE Help, our yayas. They were so attentive with what to cook, what’s lacking, with that to keep and so on and so forth. When I had the time to take a break and just observe them – they were smiling but their eyes were saying otherwise. They were eyes of longing – very distant and lonely. And then a surge of guilt, pain and pity hit me. Ate Marcy and Ate Anne, although very cheery and attentive, were missing their families in a cold Christmas eve.

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The realization dawned on me. I was sad earlier but then it was all gone when I realized how lucky I was celebrating Christmas in my own home no matter what. And our yayas just had to stay because they’re trying to provide for the family. I can imagine how hard it is for them; when they could’ve been preparing their own food and taking care of their own children in their own homes far far away. But instead, they were with us. Not that we’re such a handful. But any child would have wanted their Mama right at their very arms on Christmas; at least that’s how I would’ve wanted my Christmas to be.

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So I give my love and appreciation to the HELP who have constantly taken care of our family and have gone beyond their selves despite the loneliness to celebrate Christmas with us! Food and wine will always make celebrations like these easy, but our Help made it bearable.  To ze soccer boys who have kept us company the whole day and made sure that no amount of good laugh was wasted away. To my dear darling nephew who has been acting like Santa giving gifts to everyone; to great friends never made me feel alone even when they’re miles away – Merry Christmas! Indeed, there are a lot of reasons not to be merry but trust me when I say there are a million of reasons why we have to. When the clock stroked 12, everyone I care for in the world was there and I was happy.

Merry Christmas world and hope you find the happiness I’ve found wherever you are in the world. Careful on the dessert, you don’t want to add too much pounds like I did. ;D

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Clang2

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Not the same anymore

Remember how you wake up in the morning and then smile? Its that relief and assurance that you have everything you care for in the world. So you get up, go through your day of routines and work, go home and sleep. This is the best feeling in the world actually. That total happiness you feel because you have your family, you’re pretty fine yourself and you’re just in luck. But what if all of a sudden, when you’re busy being happy, one of these or all of them vanishes in a split second? or gradually, everything just deteriorates like a barren sand in the deserts of Egypt.

That’s when you feel lost, empty and breaking.

Forgive me for my melodramatic posts lately, its just that my days have been so unpredictable and its the break. So, i have a lot of time to think of things and go emo. Before the calender turned to 2012, I promised myself that in the coming year I shall make everyday an adventure. My mom’s passing away was not an ideal start but goes to show that sometimes you can’t always get what you want. We may not understand it now, we actually get what we need.

the loss has been profound yet I believe that life must certainly go on. Its been 10 months and i can’t believe how far we’ve gone. My baby, my favorite dog even left me. But that’s actually a good thing, at least now I know Max is guarding my mom now, or the other way around. For being sleepless and stressed for almost everyday, I haven’t been the kindest and most joyful person you’ll encounter. But believe me I’m trying to be. As what the promises of the year has brought, indeed my adventure has just started. There isn’t a day that I haven’t been fully exhausted yet fully satisfied with the things I have done. Truly experience is the best teacher. It teaches us to be strong, faithful, patient and everything else that goes with it.

I’m just so happy because somehow everything is falling into place. I’m having another nephew, a healthy baby boy; its my last semester before I reach the unemployed world and my brother’s been coping really well. Always remember Nietzsche‘s line: That which does not kill you will only make you stronger. And I am proud to say that I certainly am!! 😀 The tidal waves of life has helped me 😀 And now, I’m not gonna let it go without me givin me self some fun, so— I’m turning the tables my friend. Should another tide hit me, rather than letting myself drown, I’m gonna surf instead.

Amen to that. HAHA! been really bipolar lately, but who’s to blame? I haven’t been experiencing the ordinary lately. Whatever the coming years promise to bring, come on and let’s ROCK! \m/

xxx
Clang2