When you want something so bad, you would do anything- Beat the odds, go through whatever to have it, reach it, or experience it. *Play MUSIC*
I have been having a crazy fascination over Ferris wheels and any of that kind lately. My past experience of the ride have been so happy that I desperately wanted to try again and again..and again. Just thinking about it already makes me so thrilled, excited and happy.
In the hopes of experiencing this again I devoted a part of my free time looking for carnivals or peryas as a portion of every hangouts I have with my High-school friends. So imagine the places where I’ve been searching for my Ferris wheel.
If you’re asking, why not St. James? We did go already but always on the wrong time. The time we went there, it was closed and without any other amusement options, we decided on some things that lead to a happy horrific memory. The trekking days with my friends go unwasted because ideas of my amusement ride linger at the back of my head. It took me a lot of weekends (sembreak weekends), with no luck I was not able to find what I was looking for. There were disappointments, obviously. Trust me, I told myself to stop already but there are reasons which I myself could not understand on why I’m being so stubborn that I’m already contradicting myself. I just wanted to STOP but I could not bring myself to.
But then again, when you want something so much, you go through whatever to have it even if there are occasional heartbreaks along the way.
Up until this weekend I was seeking desperately for my amusement ride. As luck would have it – the annual fiesta is nearing which guaranteed that there had to be rides somewhere in the city.
Saturday came and I got really excited. I finally convinced my friends (who were not-so-willing boys) to help me look for the rides in the market place where I expected it to be. I imagined it all perfectly – the adrenaline rush, the thrill, the ride and just the whole festive feeling. But after hours of strolling, we got hungry & never found what we were searching. I did not get my ride and had a few extras on the heartache department along the way, direct or indirectly related of the search – it doesn’t even matter.
Sunday came fast and I was a little down. Out of sheer boredom, I decided to go to Gai-Mac (Gaisano Island Mall of Mactan) with me friend BOOGERS to see the one that completes us 3, BONKIE. We chatted a little, ate ice cream, laughed over lame-ass jokes, and did our “obligatory” trigrups hug. Bonkie left because she was chaperoning her sister while Boogers and I had different plans. And when we say plans, it is yet to be planned.
Just when you thought all hope is dead and gone — you have that PROFOUND, SURREAL moment where everything around goes slow-mo, your friend becomes a blur and the sounds slowly deafening its way to silence and the only thing you see is the sight of the FERRIS WHEEL from afar turning and turning with its colorful lights on. Of course, It had to be here – where it had been every year. Good thinking Clarissa. Ha ha ha and I hope you feel the sarcasm.
So we were literally jumping our way to the park’s entrance and got really excited. We squealed, we rushed, we jumped up and down, we shouted, we ran and then —
Finally, the thing I’ve been wanting and searching for a very long time slowly materializing in front of me. All those efforts, heartaches..I felt completely nothing. I didn’t even want to ride the old metal thing twirling its way to amuse the visitors.
Funny. Funny how I thought I’d be so devastated not finding it. I’ve spent so much effort trying to look for it but the excitement just went away with the wind when I saw it.
Maybe I’ve wanted it too much that all the excitement consumed me there’s nothing left to exhaust anymore.
Maybe I’ve accustomed myself of being happy even just at the thought of it. Now that its in front of me, I only see the screws, its parts going rusty, the badly decorated banderitas and for the lack of better word, sad (?) audience there is.
I’ve wanted it too much I don’t want it anymore. I was so busy searching I forgot why I was doing it in the first place. The searching thrilled me. But that was it,
I loved the whole chase. The idea that what I wanted can still be a possibility I might enjoy when I find the ride. But when reality slowly dawned on me in a 20-peso-ticket ride @ your own risk amusement they’re offering, everything felt different. Everything felt alien. Everything started to make sense.
So we went out as fast as we could but made a mini-stop down by the karaoke machine and sang Hands Down for the road. We went out after the praiseworthy performance, no regrets but with many realizations.
And I know you know, It’s not just the FERRIS WHEEL I’m talking about.