What have I gotten myself into?

I can be crazy…I can be the opposite, too.

Believe me, I can be anything you want me to be. I’ve been in different versions of myself to please myself and mostly, almost always,the people around me.

I’ve always challenged myself to be as diverse and as adventurous as possible but oftentimes I’m met with instances that make me question my decisions and even, myself. The recent years, I’ve been in crossroads that have somehow made me a little bulletproof and resilient. But that’s only true until another challenge has come before you. Lo and behold, in my adult life (post-grad), that challenge have been so eager to meet me that I’m now in it already. Three weeks and counting…It’s slowly eating me alive. It’s eating  my energy and it’s eating my spirit, too.

Yes. That’s how evil laws school feels like. It’s just 3 weeks and I’m complaining. I don’t have the right to because this is what I wanted. I know the education that I’ll be getting is beyond what we learn from the classroom because everything is like a final exam; even little decisions like whether or not I’ll be sleeping tonight. It’s tiring and I hate myself for dealing all this which I know is going to get so much worse in the near future. What have I gotten myself into? I ask myself that almost every time. But then again, nothing worthwhile comes easy. So, maybe, I just have to endure. Because I know we all want to survive, but it’s how bad we want it that’s gonna make us stay.

So, I’d like to apologize If I don’t get to post always. Talk about consistency! haha

I just missed blogging. I missed you whoever you are reading this. I miss the nothingness and the out-there feel that the internet provides. However, I cannot dwell on such technology for I am pressed with time.

Off to Lawyerdom.

 

Will probably bring my Political Alien (second blog) to life. haha sooon

 

xxx

Clang

Is there WiFi in Heaven?

tumblr_mdyzvy62Kl1r04iyjo1_500

If there is. I’d be really happy.

So all my thoughts, the things I’ve wanted to say would easily get through despite the dense clouds, the millions of stars in the universe and the infinite distance between me and the other end.

I hope it’s just like how we all go to coffee shops and log in and type in the password and voila! connect to almost everyone all over the world. And because they have it in heaven too, we’d know what to prepare, what to do and what to expect.

If there was really wifi in heaven, talking to people you miss would be a whole lot easier – that even when they’re in a different dimension you can feel their presence because of this freaking-instant-gratifying technology. I would just spend two hundred bucks or so in a bookshop, coffee shop or any shop for that matter that offers wifi connection so that all the people I miss, especially Moma on a Mother’s day (like today), would easily get my e-card, my greeting and my love.

If there was wifi in heaven, everything would almost feel like heaven. You get the instant feel via IG, or the perks via twitter. But this technology, I’m afraid is only limited to human capacity and to humanity in itself. It cannot transcend beyond the unknown, to what’s out there – the space, the void, to the paradise we have all imagined in our heads.

And that’s one thing it lacks that makes it intangible, challenging and special. Because despite all the nothingness and the uncertainty you carry, you would still believe that there’s a heaven that exists. A place where all the good one’s, including our loved ones, have gone. That despite their passing, you talk to them not through the wireless connection that wifi offers but through the connections made by memories entangled by our faith in each other buried deep within our human hearts.

Happy Mothers’ Day to all the beautiful Mums out there!

Sending all my love to my angel, my mom, in heaven!

xxx

Clang2

I wish I could take my First Kiss back

389054_3023966853895_1547146596_n

I wish I could take my first kiss back.

Back to the time where things felt simple and everything felt new, magical and an adventure.

Not in a cramped up space where I didn’t know what we were doing lost in borrowed time.

I wish I knew that was it – when our lips touched and when we sang our songs as one.

But there was not a melody to be heard nearby or fireworks to be seen.

There was no magic because it felt wasted, hastened and wrong.

That was then I knew kisses should be more than the touching of lips, the feel of each others’ breath

but the feeling…the ragged breathing and the loud heart beating.

Yes, my heart was beating. Fast. There I knew I lost something that can never be found – the magic of my first kiss.

Not magical at all. And then I understood the moment I felt naive and the moment I lost a part of my innocence.

My heart was beating fast. I lost my first kiss.

It broke my heart.

I wish I could take my first kiss back.

But I couldn’t.

I wouldn’t.

Then I wouldn’t learn.

I wouldn’t cherish.

I wouldn’t yearn.

xxx

The thunder that calms me

It starts with a whisper, a cold wind that sends me shivers. It doesn’t bother me because I am busy.

And then a few drops of the finest waters fall on to the earth. It’s cold outside and I can feel it in my tiny room, in my thick and warm pajamas.

A little grunting starts from the throats of the sky. It seems mad and very much disappointed. It cries hard and precipitates rain on to the day of sunshine promised on a summer day. It’s hard to believe that it’s gonna get this cold despite the scorching sun that almost tortured hearts and skins earlier. Yet we have the grunting, the crackle and then the thunder. It should scare me.

But it doesn’t.

It eases me, it eases my storming heart. The angry voices from the night sky mutes the voices in my head and deafens me from my own rumbling heart.

At least for a moment there, there’s something bigger than all of this that’s got my attention.

The thunder…

 

It brings me to bed.

 

it sends me to sleep.

A few steps away

Oftentimes, on summer days like this, we long for adventure and to travel far far away. There must be something about a destination that seems so distant and unknown that excites us that often blinds us from beautiful things already happening and existing nearby- just in the backyard, the neighborhood or somewhere where its just a few steps away.

Today, as usual, I plan to go out and have some wicked fun or some sort of adventure in the city with my friends or my cousins but it had turn out quite differently. Instead, my boys (i.e. dad, brother and soccer team) went to the open beach a few walks away from our house and experienced what I was always longed for – to relax on a beach under the sun without worries surrounded by the people I love.

What promises await for us in distant lands can be a rather fascinating idea but it doesn’t hurt to look around and experience equal satisfaction and fun even in places nearby. We don’t want to miss out on such beauties that we already have because we’re constantly eyeing for something that ain’t there yet. Just saying! 🙂 Let’s appreciate what we have while we still can! I’ve grown up in our place but it’s still amazing how it still takes my breath away!! Let’s get away for just a few steps away!Have a happy Sunday! 🙂

Nuggets,

Clang2