Firsts

First days have always been a mystery to me. I always think of it as a beginning of something BIG because I don’t know what’s in store for me. I can almost recall my first day of school way back 1999 where I met my closest friends. First days are seen as special days because it marks a new beginning- life’s refresher they say. Make or break of any situation you want to own. I remember my first day in college where not much people really know me, an avenue where  I can start anew. This is why first days are treated with such sanctity. It gives us hope and another chance to change and correct what has been done wrong in the past.

But somehow a mark of something like a first day can never erase whatever there was in the past. You needed those moments to move forward and grow. As much as I want to forget all the heartaches I’ve had over the year, my mistakes..I can’t. Cos at the end of the day what I am now is a sum-total of the chains of decisions I have had in the past. But like any other day, first days have been given such reputation that allows us to have clean sheets. One thing I’ve learned from the year that has been is don’t do to much over-thinking and expect less.

If I’ve had too much expectations, i would be in such a major disappointment right now. My first day started out great with our annual first-day-of-the-year beach escapade and everything went well until I went home and found some good ol’ rest. I was surprised to see my cat sleeping beside me and what surprised me more was the pain I felt all over my body after resting. I was not feeling good. Oh scratch that. I AM not feeling A-okay! Now I’m finally paying for the holiday escapades I’ve been doing – my MCDV Overnight and the NYE party I had with the soccer kids that ended at 4 AM! Over fatigue or what you call it, it’s not a good feeling to start a year with. So, I’m here now blogging as a form of “rest”. Yeah right, as if I actually rest. I don’t rest cos I’m always occupied and that’s how I am. So yeah 2013 although I’m not feeling pretty good but I’m still determined making this year a lot better than how I am right now.

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To another year of chances, hope and making it better— Cheers!

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Happy New Year loves,

Clang2

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EXIT HERE

Finally, I’m done with my chores, done with the New Year’s Eve preparation… Soon thereafter, I’ll be done with this year too because in less than 5 hours we are welcoming 2013 with a BANG! *fireworks*

This year has definitely been amazing. Indeed God never failed surprising me with adventures every day; which was THE one thing I asked from him from the past year. It was like my favorite festival ride – the roller coaster – takes you unexpectedly to a surmounting high and down to a low. Sometimes you enjoy the ride, sometimes you want to puke because you’re caught off guard but at the end of the day, you keep coming back for more…that’s because you’ve enjoyed the ride. But of course, the ticket only guarantees just one ride. You can buy again, but it’ll never be the same again. So whatever I’ve had throughout the ride, I’m very glad to say that it was all awesome in ways more than one…

To get my drift, here are some of what we all call Big Moments that became highlights of a great year that I had. Help me look back and remember these moments for us to be able move forward.

Loss of a loved one – one of the most unforgettable things that happened to me and to my family is the loss of my mother. There are no words that express how much I miss her but I’m happy that she is at peace wherever she is. Everything I am today, I owe my mom & dad. Months after I lost my baby; my one and only big furry creature Max.

 

Friends for keeps – With such great loss, I gained so many. One of my anchors to sanity and happiness were my friends, true friends. They’ve been with me at all my important moments. They’ve seen me go mad but they stayed. And I’m happy to say that they’re the ones you can always keep forever.

Royal treatment – Every girl wants to be treated like a princess and thankfully I’ve had my fair share of that! I was called a GIRL, had an awesome ARM CANDY, had a gorgeous dress and I was at PROM. I was really excited because we didn’t have those in High School.

Wandering wanderer – This year has all been all about exploring for me and a good way to do that is to travel. I’ve been discovering places a lot from simple bistros to enchanted paradise-looking beaches. Although I only had limited options but I was armed with awesome friends always ready to get by with just about anything.

Of responsibility & accountability – With all the changes in my life, I’ve been trying real hard to become more or less responsible. HAHAHAHA! Since I’m the only girl left at home, my Dad expects me to act like a housewife which kind of makes me mad. It’s hard but I hope the people that matter to me know that I’m trying. I am now a registered voter, thank God! Also, I’ve worked as an intern to an NGO called PEJC which was also the reason which got me into this blogging thing. And now, as we speak, I am cooking my license for I am now DRIVING! Yeaaah!

Awaiting unemployment – Now that I’m in my 4th year, my college undergrad education is nearing to an end which means, unemployment is waiting at bay. But the moments in between always make me smile. The people I’ve met in college and the things we did have been totally amazing.

Surpassing limits – Along with school responsibilities and other challenges that have come along the way, I always aimed to push a little more just to try! And yes, maybe I’m such a masochist, I’ve been doing things that might occasionally break me –but heck, you’ll never know if you’ll never try. Though I’m really scared, I ran for a position again for school and did things I thought I couldn’t do.

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Crazy adventures – With crazy antics we’ve done, comes collateral damage after. I have been extra adventurous this year that consequences that have come after have not been easy to deal with. But it was all worth it because I’ve had so much fun and have had so much to learn too. VISIT HERE..

HAPPY HOME – After all that we’ve been through, I BELIEVE we’re still COOL! Hahaha Props to the greatest gift God has given me in my entire life – my family and those that I’ve considered as one already. I could not imagine life without these weird happy people I live with every day.

This blog post is my favorite so far, because it has everything in it. Collecting these pictures made me realize how amazing life is. From photograph to another, a memory lingers – from experiences to lessons learned.

Now that the ride’s almost over… the cab is slowing and halting to a stop. Looking back to 365 days before this one, I met the year with tears because things didn’t go as planned, things didn’t go our way. But now I’m ultimately positive that I’ll be welcoming 2013 with tears of happiness! 2012 was amazing. Moments from now, what I’ve experienced, where I’ve gone to the ride that has been – it will all be memories always stored at the back of my mind.

On to the next ride…On to a better year.

Happy New Year Friends! I wish you all the best of what life has to offer. Always remember wherever you are in the world- give thanks and give love. 

with love,

Clang2

Lifedance

Someone texted me something that I considered to be the most heart-warming message I got during the holidays! It’s definitely an ode to a free-spirited person like me. This post is definitely dedicated to my very inspiring professor who has not only taught me so much but has become a father to me in college. He’s the one who texted me this message quoting from a medieval Turkish saint, Jalaluddin Rumithat has a lot to do with his fascination over gypsies and their way of life. So, here it is…

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Dance when you are broken.

Dance when you’ve torn apart ego’s chain.

Dance in the middle of sorrows.

Dance in the midst of pain.

Dance in ecstasy in seeing the beloved.

 
Dance to the beat of Life’s music. Let your soul feel through every rhythm, every high and fall- because with dancing you become one with yourself, with nature and with the universe.
 
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Dance with me, will you? 🙂
 
Clang2

Tis’ the season…

Finally, the waiting is over. The countdown is done; the rush of buying gifts to and fro is all over because my dear friend; Christmas is finally here. Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas… But is it really Merry for all?

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Right about this time last year I was spending Christmas with the whole family at a hospital – it was gloomy. I tried hard to dress fancy but I did not win against the cold and hard white walls and floors of a medical institution. But nonetheless, I was happy because we were complete and that’s something worth the celebration.

Today, on the other hand, has been quite different. At home with heaps of food I’m figuring how to finish, the family’s incomplete – my sister was with her own family and had to go somewhere for a gathering, my Dad’s not home yet – which leaves me and my dear brother prepping the house. Not that he was a big help at all considering that he was playing FIFA 2k13 with ze soccer kids all day long.

Gladly I had THE Help, our yayas. They were so attentive with what to cook, what’s lacking, with that to keep and so on and so forth. When I had the time to take a break and just observe them – they were smiling but their eyes were saying otherwise. They were eyes of longing – very distant and lonely. And then a surge of guilt, pain and pity hit me. Ate Marcy and Ate Anne, although very cheery and attentive, were missing their families in a cold Christmas eve.

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The realization dawned on me. I was sad earlier but then it was all gone when I realized how lucky I was celebrating Christmas in my own home no matter what. And our yayas just had to stay because they’re trying to provide for the family. I can imagine how hard it is for them; when they could’ve been preparing their own food and taking care of their own children in their own homes far far away. But instead, they were with us. Not that we’re such a handful. But any child would have wanted their Mama right at their very arms on Christmas; at least that’s how I would’ve wanted my Christmas to be.

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So I give my love and appreciation to the HELP who have constantly taken care of our family and have gone beyond their selves despite the loneliness to celebrate Christmas with us! Food and wine will always make celebrations like these easy, but our Help made it bearable.  To ze soccer boys who have kept us company the whole day and made sure that no amount of good laugh was wasted away. To my dear darling nephew who has been acting like Santa giving gifts to everyone; to great friends never made me feel alone even when they’re miles away – Merry Christmas! Indeed, there are a lot of reasons not to be merry but trust me when I say there are a million of reasons why we have to. When the clock stroked 12, everyone I care for in the world was there and I was happy.

Merry Christmas world and hope you find the happiness I’ve found wherever you are in the world. Careful on the dessert, you don’t want to add too much pounds like I did. ;D

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Clang2

Le Beard

Okay. I don’t know why I’m writing this but all my life I have overlooked a person who means so much to me and has been an integral part of who I am today. And that is my one and only, my main man Papa.

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There was never a day in my growing life that I was not pissed or annoyed at him. He cracks super corny jokes; he can be really insensitive, he can be pretty frank, overly protective and very strict. That’s my Dad alright. He has this signature beard that’s going to make you think he’s part of the Mafia. There is this silent manner about him that makes him appear even more strict and grumpy. He forgets your name and uses shouting as his normal conversation voice. But he has these warm, chinky smiling eyes that wrinkles when he laughs along with his dimples that make him look younger than his years. He has this weird laugh that’s so infectious you don’t want to make him stop. And he has this ability to always sweep me off my feet and make me smile every time, in any way he can.

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What did my Papa ever do today that made me write this? Well he just acted like his usual self like what he always does the last 20 years of my life; Simply amazing. Here’s a list why my Papa is the most awesome guy in my life.

  • He spoils me. From chocolates to just about anything my Papa is the number one spoiler in the world. That’s because he’s afraid of crying kids so the second a kid shows hints of crying he splurges with chocolates or just about anything under the sun. Does the trick every time.
  • He makes me laugh. Well he doesn’t have the best jokes in the world trust me. Sometimes it makes you think so much it’s not funny anymore and sometimes it’s too corny that the attempt of making the joke is funnier. I just have to let out a small HA HA. Hahahahahaha!!!
  • He knows how to treat a girl right. Trust me when I say he’s the best flirt and he’s so generous too. A gift giver armed with witty compliments and he’s full of surprises. Who’s saying no to that? Damn. I’m like selling my father here. But really, he is so smooth like Santana; even resembles him a little. 😀
  • He has weird, eccentric taste. Like me, my father is fascinated to things that are unconventional. Brings me to new places every time and brings home any unique finds he can see on the way home.
  • Knows how to have a good time. Being the father, he sees to it that we are well provided for and taken care of by working hard. But you will be surprised that he even plays harder. From gardening, going to the beach to his favorite bingo game; he manages oh so perfectly work and fun like a boss.

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  • My moral compass. Like any parent does, he guides me and answers all my unasked questions. He just knows what to say when I’m not even saying things at all. He’s like the Supreme Court Chief of Justice where he tows everyone in line with his iron will and righteousness.
  • His BIG HEART. He can be such an arse with all the crap he lets me do and all the things he says that sting a little. But I don’t get mad. I just don’t have the will to do so because he is such a good person. He has a big heart that melts to just about anyone that knocks upon our door. And when he just gives out all of him to the people, that’s when I smile and tell myself – That’s my Papa right there.

So that’s it. It’s a long list really but these qualities really stand out for me and are the things I always see in him every day. Happy to have this man in my life and now, my mission is of course; to be the best brat in the world. KIDDING! Okay, I kid world! 😀 Okay, maybe I’ll just have to let him feel that he has succeeded in being the good father that he already is. Haha

Here’s to you Pa!

me and pa

Clang2