Tug-o-War

Whatever this game we’re playing, I’m pretty sure that i am at a disadvantage.

For one, cos I’ve invested something that I shouldn’t have in the first place, my feelings. With the complete knowledge that at some point there’s gonna be and end to this, my complete victory or otherwise. Not only would I be left broken on this one, everybody else that does not know the complete story of how this came to be would think that I’m the total b*tch. Don’t we all say that when we’re at the losing end?

So how do I go about this story that’s as broken-trodden as it already was the time I let myself in. I knew it was complicated but just because I thought I was strong enough to take on the world, I just let myself in. But getting out is hard. Damn it is. One thing i could not take on was my heart. Stupid stupid heart.

Yeah, cliche. But what do I do when i have already spiraled down into some unknown track where there’s no turning back. Not that I don’t love the feeling of it all-the complete chase. That pleasurable feeling of having that one thing you want at arm’s length but not totally committing. Completely perfect for a commitment freak like me. What about the other end of this line? it matters. I didn’t realize it yet  but right then and there, all my actions, my feelings, my mood depended upon that other end who holds this line I am also holding.

it’s difficult this game we’re playing. Cos the way I look at it, you’re pretty well without me. With you though, i get better. You make me wanna be better. but there’s no reassurance yet to how this one ends. Would this be like just any other what if’s i have had and soon will have or are you something new? someone that would be in the chapters of my life book. Whatever you are, you sure make this thing we’re in a lil’ difficult and a lil’ fun for me. Bittersweet. Beautifully dangerous. A disaster waiting to happen or a dream waiting to become a reality. Take your pick, cos whatever you do not choose still makes a whole lot of difference.

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